Of Happiness, Warm Hearts, and a Whole Bunch of Infinities

When we were young, fairy tales taught us how there’s only one person we are destined to live with for the rest of our lives and I admit, I firmly believed this idea. My seven-year-old self probably found it magical and romantic like most of the kids during that age. Fortunately, David Levithan and Rachel Cohn saved me from this rather incredible lie that the universe made up. On their novel entitled, “Naomi and Ely’s No Kiss List,”  the two authors perfectly countered this idea.

“It’s a total lie to say there’s only one person you’re going to be with for the rest of your life. If you’re lucky – and if you try really hard – there will always be more than one. ”

That line stuck with me ever since I read it and it’s probably because it’s true. As I grew older, I appreciated the comfort I often find with my friends rather than the idea of a romantic partner. In my opinion, it’s because friendships are one of the strongest ties there ever is. Also, it’s the truest form of fairy tales.

With that said, I would like to dedicate this post to the seven people who made every moment of this year spectacular.


First of all, to this guy who fights every single person who mistreats us, thank you for always watching our backs. I know that I often tell you not to make people hate you just for our sake but I know it’s no use. You’re the kind of person who fights hard for your loved ones and even though it’s not necessary for you to fight our own battle, I appreciate the gesture.

I know that this year was particularly hard for you and I know how you’re staying strong amidst all of your problems and I love you for doing so. Whenever I see you fooling around and trying your best to make us laugh even though you’re having a bad day, I kind of wish I can be as strong as you.

This Christmas, I hope that you will continue to smile sweetly, love with every beat of your heart and fight your battles bravely. And in case you need reinforcements, don’t forget to call us because we also got your back. Okay? I love you!

jann

greys

To one of the most sensible and kind person in our group, thank you for always encouraging us to do the right thing. I often think badly of myself because let’s face it, I’ve done a lot of stupid things in my life but because of you, I’m starting to learn how to think of the other person first before doing something impulsive. And as Lily Collins said in the film Stuck In Love, “You make me feel less cynical.” 

Thank you for being an excellent listener and an honest friend. More than anything, I wish you happiness and warmth this Christmas. I know that you’re a strong person even though you’re quiet most of the time so I’m sure that no matter what happen, you’re going to overcome it. Love you, Grace!

jemi

(P.S. I’m not sure if I’m the one who took this photo. Lol)

For the girl whose made of sugar and joy, thank you for making me smile and for always offering a helping hand. Last year, I wrote about how you should learn how to say no to people who’ll just hurt you and this year, you’ve done just that. I was honestly surprised with how you handled things with a certain someone that by the way, I would gladly trip if I ever see him walking alone. You bravely talked about the things you wanted and did not take any bullshit from him. I’m proud of you, girl.

I’m glad that you now see your heart as something people should not mess with. You deserve all the love that you can get and you should not hesitate to leave someone if they ever take you or your feelings for granted. Remember, you are (so, so much) worth it.

I wish you a Christmas filled with love and laughter. I love you!

trish

To the girl made of the strongest armor, thank you for always making me remember my worth and for talking me out of most of my ridiculous plans. There were lots of things that changed for you this year and I know that some part of you is still feeling guilty for what happened, I already said this to you before and I’m repeating it again: don’t. 

You did the right thing and it doesn’t matter how many people don’t understand it or how painful it is. In the end, what is right is what matters. You deserve to be happy too, Tricia. Don’t take that away from yourself.

This Christmas, I wish you peace and lots of happiness. Continue to face life while taking zero bullshits. Love you!!

belle

To the girl filled with beautiful words and lovely smiles, thank you for constantly worrying about us. I always find your concern so overwhelming and I often tell myself not to do or say stuff that will further worry you since I can feel how much you want us to feel better.

So for that, I am really grateful. You have a lot in your hands right now but believe me, everything’s going to be alright. You are more than capable of overcoming your problems so keep on staying strong, okay? We are always here for you, remember that.

I wish for more wonderful music for you (because you love it more than anything else) and all the laughter in the universe. I hope to see more of your smiles next year because you look the brightest whenever you do it. Love you, Belle!

teya

For the person who always looks at the lighter side of things, thank you for making everything easier not only for me but for all of us. You and Jann have been the constant stress reliever in the group and I can’t imagine us without the both of you.

Thank you for bearing with my annoying rambles and ridiculous stories. You might think it’s not much but it isn’t. You put color in our lives and while I am not much of a painter, you made us and the moments we spent together a masterpiece.

I wish that you continue to live boldly and bravely and that you finally (finally!!!) find someone who will love you as much as we do (and more). Love you, girl!

cang

(I also don’t know if I took this photo haha)

To the person who never fails to amaze me with her bravery, thank you. This year was also a tough year for you but I am so glad that you’ve overcome it. It might not look like it, but you are one of the most courageous people I’ve ever met and I am so lucky to be friends with you.

Continue to fight for what you believe in and you can expect to see us in the back, always supporting you. Do not hesitate to lean on us whenever there’s too much going on. We will offer you warm hugs and laughter as much as you want.

I wish you a beautiful Christmas with the people you love the most. I love you, Cang!


Thank you guys for everything. I know that the hours we spend together get shorter and lesser because of our thesis but I am still grateful for those moments no matter how long or short it is. You made my college life wonderful and I will surely miss you once we graduate and do our own things. Also, I hope that all of our dreams for our future will come true!

The future may be scary but it’s alright since I’ve got the best people by my side. I love you, guys! We make one heck of a beautiful fairy tale, I’m sure of it. Haha. ♥ ♥ ♥

 

My 2014 in Quotes

My year-end song: Hero by Family of The Year

Two days from now, another year will start and I just want to look back to everything that I have learned, experienced and realized this year. Let me guide you to my 2014 through these quotes.

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1. “Because then maybe she’d realize, if only for a split second that even though the world doesn’t matter to her, she matters to the world.” -David Levithan, Every Day

-This year made me realize that I am important even though I repeatedly convince myself that I am not. I have learned that I can touch people’s hearts, that I can be a part of their lives. That I am not just. I am someone. And this someone, matters.

2. “I guess I’m sorry is a way to say I want it to be better. Even if it’s difficult. Even if it hurts.” -David Levithan and Rachel Cohn, Naomi and Ely’s No Kiss List

-Saying I’m sorry sincerely was the one thing I cannot do. Especially when I truly need to say it. It’s one of my level five diseases and I struggled so hard to get rid of it. This time, I finally succeeded.

3. “We always see our worst selves. Our most vulnerable selves. We need someone else to get close enough to tell us we’re wrong. Someone we trust.” -David Levithan and Rachel Cohn, Naomi and Ely’s No Kiss List

-I am made of walls. Thick, indestructible walls. Only a few people can enter them and because of that, I found it hard to connect with people. Whenever someone tries to know me in a deeper level, I put my walls up. But this year, I tried to open it bit by bit. I told myself to trust those people, to relax and let them get to know me. It wasn’t that hard, after all.

4. “I think a lot of people want to be someone but we are scared that if we try, we won’t be as good as everyone imagines we could be.” -Ava Dellaira, Love Letters To The Dead

-I fear disappointments. I fear the look in people’s eyes when they realize that you are not what they think you are. I wish I could say, “To hell with people. I don’t care about their judgments.” But I do. I do care about what they think of me. But at the same time, I don’t want to be just an imagination. I don’t want to be just a thought. I want to be someone. I want people to really know me. To know that I am just like them, that I am also filled with flaws, that I also make stupid decisions, and that I also have limitations.

5. “So maybe when we can say things, when we can write the words, when we can express how it feels, we aren’t so helpless. Maybe when we can tell the stories, however bad they are, we don’t belong to them anymore. They become ours.” -Ava Dellaira, Love Letters to the Dead

-Most of the time, I keep to myself. I never really like telling people stuff even if I am friends with them. But Ava Dellaira is right, when we tell people about our stories, those stories become ours–no matter how powerful those stories are. Sure, you’ll feel vulnerable but that’s alright. At least, you can get rid of the heavy feeling in your chest.

6. “Life doesn’t have to be so planned. Just roll with it and let it happen.” -Jenny Han, To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before

-I always wonder why fate screws up with my plans every time. Then I realized that sometimes, you just need to let things happen. That you don’t have to be so cautious all the time, that you must meet with the moment not plan your way through it.

7. “Becoming fearless isn’t the point. That’s impossible. It’s learning how to control your fear, and how to be free from it.” -Veronica Roth, Divergent

-Growing up, people will tell you how to not be afraid. How to be fearless. But you cannot really be afraid of nothing. There will always be something that will scare you and that’s okay because we are made to be afraid of things. That’s how we learn how to be brave. That’s how we discover courage.

8. “Dreams are only dreams until you wake up and make them real.” -Ned Vizzini, It’s Kind of a Funny Story

-No one’s going to make my dreams happen. No one’s going to flick his or her wand and make my dreams come true. I must do it myself.I must take the steps into making my dream a reality. It would be a hard and confusing road. But it’s a road that I am willing to take.

9. “I have to say that although it broke my heart, I was, and still am, glad I was there.” -Markus Zusak, The Book Thief

-A lot of not so good things happened this year and although all they left me were ugly scars, I am still glad that those things occurred. It’s a bit cliche, but if not for those things, I wouldn’t be this strong. These scars are my trophy. They are my daily reminder that I have survived a very difficult battle.

10. “Don’t cling to things because everything is impermanent.” -Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie

-Cling to words, to moments, to memories, to infinities, to feelings–to people. Cling to them because most of the time, these things could stay forever.

* * *

Aaaand, that’s it. I really don’t know how to end this post. Lol. Thank you for being a part of my 2014. See you next year! 🙂