To You

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I do not own the photo. All rights belong to its proper owner.

Note: I wrote this for our project in Interpersonal Communication last year.

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Dear XX,

Rosie Dunne said, “Take a deep breath and start at the beginning.”

I wonder, what was our beginning? Was it the first time I noticed you? Was it the first time you talked to me? Or was it the first time we started telling each other our secrets?

Wait, do we even have a beginning?  Maybe we had. But everything is a blur now so I guess we will never know.

They used to call us “partners” which was very ironic considering how much we argued back then. Yet against all odds, we still became good friends and all was well.

Those times were bliss. Those were the days wherein I could freely talk to you about my problems or simply about my newest Korean crush. And in turn, you would let me listen to your latest music addiction and we would just…talk. Like there’s nothing between us. Like time doesn’t exist.

But because everything must come to an end, our friendship took a wrong turn and eventually reached this stage.

It’s been years since we last had a real conversation. I admit, I’ve missed it. You were the only one who could answer my sarcastic remarks, the only one who I could talk to for hours even though the topic is meaningless, and the only one who is ready to chat at three A.M. in the morning.

I just wish that there could have been a better ending for us. One that doesn’t require pretending that we don’t know each other when we accidentally meet. Nevertheless, I am still glad that we became friends and that I met you during the crucial time of figuring out myself.

I am pretty sure that you don’t know this and if you know, well do something about it. (Kidding.)

I like you. I like your goofy smile, your corny jokes, your glassy eyes, your stories—even the most cliché ones.

I like you even if you left me with innumerable what-ifs. Even if our friendship ended in a bittersweet way. Even if we weren’t able to utter proper goodbyes.

I like you. No sarcasm included.

Sincerely yours,

Y.

Goodnight…goodbye

Via tumblr. All rights reserved.

Via tumblr. All rights reserved.

People often say that if something keeps on slipping away from your grasp no matter how hard you hold on, it’s not meant to be–that you should just walk away and forget about that something.

Maybe, people are right. Maybe things like destiny and fate are real. Maybe, you and me cannot exist as one. Maybe this is really the end of our story. And maybe, people don’t always need closure. Maybe a simple proof is fine. And I got my proof, didn’t I?

I have imagined that very moment in my mind for a countless times. I have memorized my lines, practiced my smile. I have created numerous endings for our “reunion” yet… none of those happened. I arrived too late. You left too early. Even more, you said goodbye without even looking at me.

And after hours of crying and wondering, I realized that that is my proof. That a closure between you and me isn’t going to happen, ever. I realized that even if I’m not okay with that, even if it is totally unfair on my behalf, I should just learn to accept it. I should move on. The past isn’t welcoming me back, so why in the world should I stay there?!

So to the boy who have left me with an infinite supply of what ifs, to the boy who I have loved unknowingly, to the boy who have changed me…goodnight and goodbye.

Dear XX

From Younha's single. All rights reserved.

From Younha’s single. All rights reserved.

Closure

noun.

1. A sense of resolution or conclusion.

 

You. A single word. A rose among the thorns. A snowflake among the ashes. A warmth among the cold. You.

My friends always asked me about the thing that I love the most when it comes to you. And I would always say; “His words. His stories. The way he can talk about anything. The way he tells me every single thing that he did in a day, no matter how stupid it was.”

It’s true. That is really the reason why I started loving you. And it took me a long time to realize that that was also the reason why you left.

“One-sided relationships do not work.” I’ve learned that now.

All those years, all those moments when we were together– never did I once told you about me. I thought, what’s to say? You knew me already. But I was wrong.

All this time, I wondered why you left. Why you just threw away everything that we had. Why you left me hanging. I never realized that I was looking for answers in the wrong direction.

I’ve been searching for closure for so long and now, I think I found it.