Things I Need to Say Today

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I’m sorry. I miss you and I wish you were here. It’s the most basic thing to say but it’s the truest thing that ever came out of my quivering lips.

I’m sorry. I miss you and I wish you were here. September’s gone and so are your smiles—like the branches being carried away by the river’s rage…you have packed them all away.

I’m sorry. I miss you and I wish you were here. I heard the song you used to sing today and I kept on hitting replay; it is as if you’re going to come back if I listen to it one more time, one more time.

I’m sorry. I miss you and I wish you were here. I can still remember the day I saw you crying alone in the hallway—I approached you and hugged you and I told you that if you’ll be happier if you leave the organization, do it. Those words are still haunting me until today.

I’m sorry. I miss you and I wish you were here. There are days when I feel so damn guilty for breathing. It is as if I have already lost my right to live ever since the darkness took you away.

I’m sorry. I miss you and I wish you were here. I’m building a castle of nightmares founded with what ifs. I’m building an ocean where no sails could be lost and forgotten. I’m building a life without your warmth and embrace.

I’m sorry. I miss you and I wish you were here. I know yours were the most painful “see you again” that will ever escape my quivering lips.

To The Girl with the Pink Bow

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I took this photo during our gala night last Cinemalaya XI. I never thought I’ll be writing this post for you. I was supposed to give you a handwritten letter when we graduate but I can’t do that now…

To the girl with the pink bow,

Where are you now?

Are you up in the sky,

Painting rainbows and taking photographs of the moon?

 

To the girl with the messy brown hair,

What are you doing now?

Are you on top of the clouds,

Skating and doing cartwheels?

 

To the girl with hugs as warm as summer,

How are you now?

Are you stuffing yourself with Oreos,

With that stirring smile of yours?

 

To the girl with a heart as huge as Jupiter,

I wish you could have stayed.

I wish I could rewrite the past few months of your life,

And fill it with happiness, love and care.

 

To the girl with the pink bow,

Where are you now?

Please tell us you are somewhere beautiful,

Somewhere with chirping birds and colorful flowers.

 

To the girl with the pink bow,

Please come home.

 

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This is dedicated to you, Jameng. Thank you for being a part of my life. Thank you for all the wonderful memories. I wish I could turn back and look at them with a smile on my face. But right now, all I could muster is a sad smile.

I love you, Jameng. You were a great EP and an even greater friend. I promise, we will see each other again. I love you, Tita EP! Alam mo yan. Sana nga, alam mo yan.