From the film Restless. All rights reserved.
Two minutes before midnight, you asked me if something beautiful yet ugly exists.
“Yes.” I said while looking at your trembling hands.
Curiosity filled your rich, brown eyes. “What is it?”
“Love…it’s a twisted, beautiful thing.”
“But, how?” You asked.
So I leaned closer to you and kissed your small, pinkish lips.
And when you opened your eyes…
I was gone…along with the night and along with your dreams.
That’s how long our infinity lasted.
Like a fool, I pretended that expiration dates doesn’t exist.
That’s how long we spent talking to each other every day.
Like a fool, I babbled on. Not wanting it to stop.
Not wanting you to stop.
That’s how fast I fell in love.
Like a fool, I didn’t realize how painful the jump would be. I just did it.
And I fell. I fell so damn hard.
That’s how fast you walked away from my life.
Like a fool, I didn’t stop you from walking into hers. I just watched you turn your back.
From everything. From me.
That’s how fast I said the word “goodbye”
And, that’s also how fast she turned you down.
A starless night sky; where only vivid flashes of lightning can be seen. It was painstaking– seeing the cheerful world around me.
The sound of the bubbling water called me so I sat among the people I’ve known my whole life. But why, do I feel so alone?
The water was warm and comforting. Yet my whole body cannot feel anything. I’m like a broken glass container– empty and forgotten.
I walked away, no one will notice me anyway. I was there and I wasn’t. It’s always like that.
But as the clock ticked nine, the heavens started to cry. It whispered to my ears and tried to wash away some of my loneliness.
But it’s no use. So I walked all alone, under a starless night sky on a midsummer night. The rain didn’t eased away my pain but it somehow reminded me that I am still alive, that I am not alone. Not really.
“I’ll be okay. Soon. I’ll be okay.”
We sat beneath the sleeping stars, accompanied by the silence gliding through the air. It was that kind of night– unspoken words sitting between you and I; your hands resting above mine. How I wish I could live in this moment forever, but I can’t.
So I stilled my breath, and asked the question that I dreaded the most.
“Why are you with me tonight? Instead of her?” Why. That bittersweet word. The word that will either kill me or save me.
I looked down, suddenly embarrassed of the words that have escaped my lips. All I wanted that time is to lie down and curl myself into a ball.
But I didn’t. Instead, I closed my eyes and let my body guide me for once.
* * *
But as the first fireworks burst into the dark sky, you looked at me and smiled.
“Because she isn’t my sanity. You are.”
I felt something inside me explode. Like the beautiful explosion of colors– sweet and striking. And then you kissed my chapped lips. Erasing all the doubts. All the hesitations.
“Happy fourth of July.” You said while resting my head onto your shoulders. I smiled.
Happy fourth of July. I whispered to myself.