Rant #4: Au Revoir, September!

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September was a heck of a roller coaster ride for me. Only, it has way more downs than ups. Despite of that, September made me realize lots of stuff through its short stay in my life.

Anyway, here it goes…

1. You can’t run away from pain, but you can make peace with it. Running away from pain is impossible. You can’t just run away from something intangible–that is the reason why pain is painful. It’s true that we can bury pain but it will come running back when the universe gives you something to remember it. And it could be anything. A movie, a song, a place where you used to hang out, a novel, a word that your friends utter, a news. Whatever. The thing is, it will resurface. Again and again. The only way you can live with all of the pain in your chest is to make peace with it. You have to accept the fact that you’re in pain and that you’re not okay. You need to give yourself a time to grieve. A time to reflect. A time to cry. You need to understand that pain is something that everybody experiences and that drowning from it is something you do not deserve. The bad thing already happened and there’s no way that you can go back in time and stop it from happening. So let it go, make peace with it.

2. You cannot save everyone you love. It’s unfortunate, really. But it’s the sad truth. We can’t save all of them no matter how much we want to. It’s simply because we aren’t superheroes; we are human beings with lots and lots of limitations. We should not hope to do something way beyond our control.

3. We can’t answer all of our questions, especially the most haunting ones. It’s another awful truth, but I believe that we should all remember this one. Sometimes, our ‘whys’ and ‘hows’ aren’t going to be answered. I know how hard it is to turn the page without finding out all of the answers. But trust me, it’s harder to search for something that you will probably never find. Don’t drive yourself to madness just because of an unsolved question. It’s not worth it. Maybe it’s just that sometimes, not knowing all of the reasons is for our own good. Or maybe there really are some things better left unsolved.

4. Sadness is a terrible thing. I’ve already talked about this on my previous rant but September made me realize how fucking awful it really is. The thing is, it’s hard to control sadness. Only a few people can actually do it. But it’s something we should all learn. Plus, drowning in your own sadness isn’t something beautiful. People should STOP romanticizing about it. Seriously, there’s nothing pretty about depression.

5. It is important to talk about your problems. Nothing good happens when you bury your problems. You’re just giving the universe a reason to make you feel sad and alone. Plus, it’s not healthy. If you store all of your problems into your chest, you are set to explode like a ticking time bomb and the explosion will definitely be ugly. In the end, you’re the one who will get hurt the most.

6. There is NOTHING that your family won’t do in order to make you happy. I seldom tell my parents about my life. But because of something bad that happened to me, when they asked me how I was, I burst into ugly tears. Honestly, it felt good when I told them about it. I am not really close with my father but, he tried to make me happy throughout that really terrible week and I really appreciate it.

7. People don’t know how to mind their own business. When someone tells you to give them some time, give it to them. Seriously. Don’t be a jerk. Sometimes, people need space in order to think or digest things. Another thing, if they ask for privacy, RESPECT it. There are tons of things that should not be treated as trivia.

8. Suicide is NEVER the answer. I know that some of you might think that dying means escaping your problems or yourself. But it doesn’t help at all. If you think the world is better off without you, you are wrong. There are people out there who loves you and will do anything just to make you happy. I know it’s hard to live but it’s worth it, trust me. Life is worth it. And please don’t think for even a second that you don’t matter. You matter. Please remember that.

9. Sometimes, listening to someone’s problem is more than enough. Being present through the rough times is enough. We don’t need to physically help our friend when they are feeling down. Sometimes, knowing that someone is out there willing to listen is enough. We shouldn’t take it as our primary obligation to fix their problems. We can only do so much, they have to fix their problems themselves. What we can do is to make them feel that we’re just there, that we are more than willing to help them.

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Photo taken from 8bitfiction

10. Healing takes an awfully lot of time. You can’t easily mend your broken pieces. It will take a loooooong time in order to be genuinely okay. Healing itself is a process and it’s a process that no one should hurry. So, slow down. Breathe. You’ll be fine. We will be fine.

11. Admitting to yourself that you are not okay helps. I’ve been playing hero for the past few weeks and I realized that I’m just destroying myself in the process. Truth is, I am no hero. I can’t save and help each and every person that I want to help, especially when I, myself, is not completely okay. Plus, there is absolutely nothing wrong with letting the people around you know that you are not okay (Back to number 5).

12. Crying gives off wonderful effects. While it’s unhealthy to cry each night, crying helps in releasing your emotions. Crying isn’t for the weak, that is a really stupid idea. Crying only means that you’ve had too much of the world’s bullshit. It is completely normal.

13. Home is anywhere you feel safe. This is actually a basic thing. But I used to believe that home is the four corners of my household. And I’ve never been so wrong. I’ve met people who made me feel worthy and strong and most importantly, safe. Now, I can proudly say that I can describe the word home in two words. (Hi, MD! ♥)

14. Don’t dwell on things that makes you unhappy. It doesn’t matter if it’s a person or a thing. If that someone or something makes you feel like shit, leave it. Throw it away. There’s no sense in keeping things that aren’t doing you any good. Don’t let anyone destroy you. You deserve to be happy. Find the things that gives your heart joy and stick to those. Life is too damn short to fill it with negativity.

15. Life, no matter how inconsiderate it is, is beautiful and worth living. I get it. Life is unfair and harsh and rough. But it’s only because we focus on the bad side of it. It’s important to remember the good. Because there is always good in the bad. Look around you, let the world sink in yourself. Memorize the horizon. Take photographs of the moon. Smell the flowers. Dance with the wind. Spend time with your loved ones. Feel every drop of the rain or the snow or the syrup falling on your spoon while you eat your favorite pancake. Smile. Laugh. Listen to uplifting music. Dream of the things you want to be or you want to do. Do it. Travel. Meet new people. Read the book your mother gave you last Christmas. Eat. Seriously. Just live. Stay. And I promise you, it is worth it. So don’t give up, okay?

Rant #3: Why it’s easy to be unhappy

Photo taken from Tumblr.

Photo taken from Google Images. All rights reserved to its proper owner.

I’m sure that not everyone who will read this will agree with me, but in my opinion, sadness is easier than happiness. Don’t get me wrong, being happy is 100% better than being sad but I realized that sadness is much easier to accomplish.

Before, I was a pessimist. I always anticipated the bad things. In fact, I focused on them. It’s an easy thing to do. You just worry, worry and worry. Continuously. It wasn’t hard since I had zero confidence in myself. I even lived like that for five years. See? It’s such an easy task. It even got worse when I started a Tumblr account. There were a lot of depressing things on Tumblr and as horrible as they are, those posts are popular. To be honest, they showcased sadness. They treated sadness as a beautiful thing. And I agree, as a writer. But as a person? Not so much.

In writing, it’s easy to get lost in sadness. Oftentimes, it helps us to write. It helps us bleed. And bleeding means pouring ourselves in the blank pages. Plus, when we are sad, we get to write more because we write about the things that hurts. But it doesn’t necessarily mean that all of the things we write when we are sad are good. Sometimes it sucks. Sometimes it doesn’t make any sense. It doesn’t matter. My point is, in art–whatever form it may be, the greatest pieces are created when the artist is sad or when he/she undergo a very painful experience.

But sadness has way more uglier sides than beautiful ones. That is the most important thing I realized. Sure, you can pity yourself for not being good enough forever or you can get sad because your parents doesn’t think about you but that’s it. Your story stops there. If you let sadness handle your life, it will eat you up. It will whisper in your ear every damn day just to remind you how ugly or useless you are. It will drive you insane to the point of not being able to get up to attend school or work. The worst thing is, sadness can push you to the edge and make you forget about the things that matter, about the people you love, about you. Too much sadness will rob you of every hope you have hidden in your system. And trust me, it isn’t a good feeling.

On the other hand, happiness requires effort and time. It requires you to use your facial muscles and smile or laugh. Happiness requires you to give your best in everything. It requires you to keep on going–to never stop. And that’s hard because sometimes, it’s easier to stop but remember that stopping isn’t going to take you to places. Stopping is just that; stopping. Happiness wants you to hope for better days. It wants you to charge through life with just a positive mind. It doesn’t even offer armors or weapons. Happiness’ only offer is itself. And this is the greatest thing we forget the most. We are always too busy. Too occupied. Too uncaring.

Sadness is easier, yes. But we should keep in mind that the best things are hard to achieve. They doesn’t just pop up magically, they demand hard work and patience. Of course, it’s easier to create a ghost town. You just need a space full of forgotten things and old, broken furniture. But an amusement park? It needs repainting every month. It needs cleaning and making sure that everything works. But do you know what people look forward to? Amusement parks. They don’t get tired of roller coaster rides or Ferris wheels. Good memories are created there. And good things will also happen to you if you let yourself find happiness. Remember, you deserve to be happy. So, do it. Be happy. Always.

-Robbie, X.

Rant #2: Living with fats and other things

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I can’t remember exactly when I first started gaining too much weight. As far as I could remember, I’ve been the fat girl with eyeglasses since fifth grade.  That was exactly seven years ago and honestly, I wasn’t even that fat before. I remember getting a “normal” result on my BMI during my first year in high school so I’m sure that my body then is not, technically fat. Still, I was bigger than most of the girls in school (and I wear eyeglasses) so it didn’t stop my classmates for making fun of me.

Luckily, I didn’t feel like a complete trash because I have a very loving family. Sure, my Mom would often convince me to lose weight but she doesn’t tell me to do it to be pretty. What she would do is give me a list of illnesses that fat people often get. She never made me feel ugly because of my weight and I love her for that. But what’s done is done, I already had zero confidence by the time I reached 12. I felt so ugly then and not having any kind of fashion sense didn’t help at all. 

Nevertheless, I wasn’t bullied. At least not physically. Mentally? Well, let’s just say they did get into my head and made me think of ugly thoughts. But everyone experiences that. It’s one of the shitty things that life offers. Through the years, I made a really-bad-if-you-think-thoroughly-about-it-but-really-effective-way of shutting people up whenever they insult my weight or my friend’s or family’s. It’s easy and I think everyone have done this twice in their entire life. Yeah, you guessed it right! Sarcasm. Ah, the answer to all of my problems. But seriously, this helped me in so many ways; though it’s not actually healthy to be sarcastic all the time.

Anyway, I use sarcasm whenever some stupid person tries to be funny by shaming me in front of people. But it gets tiring sometimes and when those moments happen, I just choose not to reply or pretend that I don’t care which are both very pathetic if you ask me. The thing is, it’s hard whenever the people I care about steps over the line. Don’t get me wrong, I know how to handle jokes but a lot of times it feels like they’re just rubbing salt on my wound. I especially get really freaking angry whenever some “friend” of my Mom’s would insult us in front of her. (My sisters and I are of the same size.) I mean it’s one thing to insult us but to do that in front of her?! It’s way, way more than rude. My mother isn’t lacking any motherhood skills just because her daughters are fat! And to even tell her how ugly and fat she thinks we are. Like she’s some royalty that we should care about what she thinks. Seriously, people like this needs to STOP. Just stop and think before you say anything. Just please.

I’m not going to lie, I dislike my body sometimes. But those days doesn’t occur frequently. A lot of times, I just don’t pay attention. Or forget to pay attention. I know how important it is to have a healthy body and I’ve tried so many times to lose weight but unfortunately my laziness always wins. Whenever these things happen, I would punish myself for days. Still, I have good days. Sometimes when I look in the mirror, I actually like what I see. I like myself. My face, my body–everything. During this rare moments, I feel beautiful. And I feel like I can post a picture of me in social media without even stressing if I look good enough. Or even wear a dress or a skirt outside. Those kind of days were my favorite because they make me feel good and happy.

But that’s not how I should live my life; I know that now. I shouldn’t foolishly wait for those moments to come. I should take the initiative to make those moments to happen to me everyday. This month, I decided to really, seriously, and officially lose weight. I decided that I would do this for myself. Not for my parents, not for beauty, not for my friends or relatives and certainly not for the assholes who have embarrassed me for being fat. No. I’m doing this for myself. Because I am so done with waiting for something good to happen. So I’m doing the good thing once and for all.

So fats, I’m sorry but I have to let all of you go now. It’s been a hell of a ride with you and even though I constantly try to keep you a secret, please know that I’ve enjoyed my life with all of you. Lol. Haha. Kidding aside, I know that this is going to be hard and painful but I am willing to undergo all of that. I’m a strong girl after all.

P.S.

To all of the people out there who are struggling with their body, just remember that: Everyone is more than their body. So hang on tight and keep holding on, okay? 🙂

Rant #1: ‘One True Love’

I am not a believer. Not since I started to get to know life better. Don’t look at me like that. I do, believe in love. Of course, I believe in love. I am freaking romantic. I just don’t think that there is only one person for you in the whole world. I mean, what if that person lives in Antarctica? Will you go all the way there just to be with your ‘one true love’? I’m sorry, but that’s stupid. Moreover, what if that person doesn’t think you are his/her ‘true love’? (Don’t give me the you’ll-know-when-you-meet-that-person talk. I am so not buying it.) Most of all, what if your ‘true love’ isn’t who you expected him/her to be? I’m pretty sure that will ruin your perfect love story fantasy.

Also, I don’t think I can live with one person for the rest of my life and not get tired of him. Sure, it’s nice to love someone that much and I know that those kind of love exists. (My parents are the living proof.) But I don’t think I can do it. Heck, I cannot even imagine myself marrying someone and settling on a little house on a normal town and have cute, little kids. It’s just not appealing to me. And it’s not because I’m promiscuous (Oh, that’ll be the day) or I’m afraid to have commitments and other bull that most people say. I just want to fall in love with someone once and to feel alive and intoxicated. I want to get hurt and understand all the sad love songs that I always listen to. I want to be in love with someone that I met on a young age and get separated with him and then see him again after 15 years and realize that I’m still in love with him. (Told you, I’m a freaking romantic.) But seriously, I want to fall in love once. But I don’t think I would want to marry that person because I don’t want him to stay with me just because of a freaking vow. I want him to choose. If he wants out, fine. I don’t want to be dependent of him. I want us to be free. To have a choice. I want him to say it’s over when he doesn’t love me anymore. Sure, it will hurt but it’s better than him, trying so hard to fall in love with me again just because a damn paper or vow says that that is what he needs to do.

I know it may sound ridiculous to most of you but I’m really not a believer. I don’t think that perfect love stories may exist. Or perfect relationships like those in the movies, TV series or novels. Maybe I’m insane or just plain stupid. Or maybe this is just bitterness because the ‘perfect’ guy in my dreams doesn’t exist. Trust me, I badly want to hope and believe that it’s real. That it’s possible for two people to be in love with each other for their entire life. But right now, I don’t feel like hoping.

All about Love, Rosie

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Plot: (Taken from IMDB)

Rosie and Alex are best friends. They are suddenly separated when Alex and his family move from Dublin to America. Can their friendship survive years and miles? Will they gamble everything for true love?

 

Aaaaand… *drum rolls* 

It’s finally here!!!!!!! The official poster and trailer of Love, Rosie based on Cecilia Ahern’s novel entitled, Where Rainbows End; starring Lily Collins and Sam Claflin. I’ve been waiting for this film for almost three months now because first of all, the leading characters. I mean, SAM CLAFLIN and LILY COLLINS in one movie?!! Insane.

Actually, the only reason why I read the book is because I saw some of their photos in Twitter and I am really happy that I decided to read it because the book is wonderful! Despite of the many frustrations that I’ve experienced while I was reading it, the book is good as a whole. To be honest, I gave up on this book for a day. It’s just that the story is so long and it was tiresome to read Alex and Rosie’s stupid choices. Also, it feels like they’re just endlessly running on a hamster’s training wheels. But as I have said earlier, it is still a good book and I recommend it to anyone patient enough to read the whole thing. (It’s worth it, I promise.)

Anyway, back to the trailer. The trailer. It’s perfect. I like the parts and lines that they’ve shown and the changes in the plot of the movie is also acceptable. They didn’t copy pasted the whole plot of the book into the movie and the parts that they changed are essential in order to showcase the more important moments of the story which are both good.

I’m sooooooo excited for this movie and I hope that it’ll be screened here in the Philippines. But for now, here is the beautiful trailer!!!

 

P.S.

If anyone knows the title of the song that they used, please comment it below! Thanks! 🙂